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NM Freemason · Skills & Drills · Chapter 61

Understanding Others: values, motivation, and what people actually want

Drawn from published Masonic monitor content. See site Credits for source citations.

Vocabulary (10)

Values (the labels)
Values are the labels for what is important to a person. They sit underneath behavior and most of the time stay below conscious attention. The man doesn't think about his value of integrity before deciding whether to keep his word; the value runs the decision, and the decision shows up as behavior. Leaders who try to change behavior without touching the underlying value get short-term compliance, not durable change.
Highly Valued Criteria
The top five-or-so values that actually drive a person's behavior in a given domain. The other values exist but are nice-to-have. The leadership implication: you don't need to know everything a brother values; you need to know his top five in the domain where you're working with him. "What is important to you about being a Mason?" gets at the Masonic Highly Valued Criteria directly.
Behavior vs. value (the iceberg)
The standard iceberg: behavior is the part above the waterline; values, beliefs, and identity are the bulk underneath. Leaders who only see the surface argue with behavior. Leaders who see the values argue with the iceberg. The Craft's working tools point at the same thing in different vocabulary: the rough ashlar is behavior; the perfect ashlar is values aligned with conduct.
Toward / Away From motivation
Two directions motivation runs. Toward motivation moves people toward something they want (a goal, an honor, a relationship). Away From motivation moves people away from something they fear (loss, rejection, pain). Both are legitimate, both produce action; the leadership move is to notice which direction your brother is running, because the same destination spoken in the wrong direction lands wrong. The academic frame for this is approach-avoidance motivation (Elliot & Covington 2001).
Massey's developmental periods
Morris Massey's published model (The People Puzzle, 1980) of when values get laid down: Imprint (0-7), Modeling (7-14), Socialization (14-21), Business Persona (21-35). The age ranges align roughly with Piaget's cognitive stages and Erikson's psychosocial stages. The leadership implication: a man's values were largely set by what was happening around him when he was younger than he can remember; arguing with them directly is usually wasted breath.
Sources of values
The published short list of where values come from: family, friends, church or religion, school, geography, economics, and media. A man raised in rural West Texas in 1962 will hold different values from a man raised in suburban New Jersey in 1995, and both will be unaware of how much of their values came from the air they breathed. The list isn't deterministic, but it's predictive.
Elicitation question
The short open question that gets at the highly-valued criteria in any domain: "What is important to you about ___?" Fill the blank with the domain you care about: Freemasonry, being an officer, your work, your family, this committee. Ask for the short answer first. The first reply (the one the unconscious mind hands you before the conscious mind dresses it up) is usually the cleanest data.
Value systems (Spiral Dynamics)
Beck and Cowan's Spiral Dynamics (1996), building on Clare Graves' research from the 1960s, describes whole patterns of value thinking that recur across people and across organizations. The simplified six labels used in Masonic leadership materials: Survival (the Individual), Tribal (the Chief), Aggression (the warrior), Hierarchy (the Book of Law), Materialistic (the Entrepreneur), and Group and Cause (the cause-driven advocate). The systems alternate between I-orientation (Survival, Aggression, Materialistic) and We-orientation (Tribal, Hierarchy, Group and Cause).
I-orientation vs. We-orientation
The alternating pattern in Spiral Dynamics: every other value system swings between an individualist orientation ("what's good for me") and a collectivist orientation ("what's good for us"). The pattern explains why a brother committed to the Lodge as a whole (We) and one focused on his own degree progress (I) can sit in the same room and not understand each other's priorities. Neither is wrong; they're operating from different systems.
Self-determination's three needs
From Deci and Ryan's published research: people are intrinsically motivated when three needs are met: autonomy (acting from their own will), competence (effectiveness in their work), and relatedness (connection to others). The leadership move is to design situations where the brother's autonomy, competence, and relatedness all rise together. When all three are met, you don't need to push; the man self-starts.

Sequences (3)

Eliciting the top five values in any domain

Use this when you want to know what's actually driving a brother's choices. It's not an interrogation; it's a conversation that you direct gently with one question repeated.
  1. Pick the domain. Examples: being a Mason, being a husband, the work you do for a living, your kids' upbringing.
  2. Ask the elicitation question: "What's important to you about [domain]?" Listen for the short answer.
  3. When the short answer comes, acknowledge it and ask: "What else is important to you about that?" Repeat until you've heard five-ish things.
  4. Reflect them back in order, as accurately as you can. The brother will correct you where you missed; that's the data.

Reading direction of motivation in a conversation

Toward and Away From show up in language. The fluent listener picks them up without having to think.
  1. Listen for Toward language: "I want", "I'm going for", "I'd love to", "so that I can". The brother is moving toward something.
  2. Listen for Away From language: "I don't want", "I'm trying to avoid", "so I won't have to", "so it doesn't happen again". The brother is moving away from something.
  3. Match your appeal to his direction. Ask a Toward brother about the win; ask an Away From brother about what he's protecting against.
  4. Notice your own language. Most leaders default to one direction and miss half the room.

Reading the value system a person is operating from

Beck and Cowan's six labels, applied as a working diagnostic. Don't put people in boxes; notice which system they're currently operating from. Same person can shift across systems depending on context.
  1. Survival (the Individual): the brother is in basic-needs mode (health, money, family crisis). Don't ask him to volunteer; ask what he needs.
  2. Tribal (the Chief): the brother values belonging and tradition. Frame requests around the Lodge family.
  3. Aggression (the warrior): the brother values action and decisive movement. Frame requests as direct challenges.
  4. Hierarchy (the Book of Law): the brother values rules, procedure, the right way. Frame requests within the established structure.
  5. Materialistic (the Entrepreneur): the brother values results and personal achievement. Frame requests around the win and the outcome.
  6. Group and Cause: the brother values shared purpose larger than himself. Frame requests around the bigger mission.

Multiple-choice (8)

1. What's the working definition of a value used in this chapter?
  1. An opinion or strong preference
  2. A label for what is important to a person; it sits underneath behavior and usually below conscious attention ✓
  3. A goal a person has written down
  4. A rule someone else gave you
2. Why does the chapter emphasize the top five values rather than the whole list?
  1. Because five is a memorable number
  2. Because only the top five-or-so actually drive behavior in a given domain; the others are nice-to-have ✓
  3. Because no one has more than five values
  4. Because Maxwell ranked them
3. What's the difference between Toward and Away From motivation?
  1. Toward is positive, Away From is negative; only Toward is healthy
  2. Toward moves people toward what they want; Away From moves them away from what they fear. Both are legitimate; the leadership move is to notice which direction your brother is running ✓
  3. Toward is physical, Away From is emotional
  4. They are synonyms
4. What are Massey's four developmental periods, with the age ranges?
  1. Imprint (0-7), Modeling (7-14), Socialization (14-21), Business Persona (21-35) ✓
  2. Infancy, Childhood, Adolescence, Adulthood
  3. Birth to 5, 5 to 15, 15 to 25, 25 to 50
  4. Pre-K, Elementary, High School, College
5. What's the single elicitation question that gets at a person's highly valued criteria?
  1. "What do you do for a living?"
  2. "What is important to you about ___?" Fill in the blank with the domain you care about, and listen for the first short answer ✓
  3. "Why are you here?"
  4. "What are your top three goals?"
6. Where does the Spiral Dynamics framework come from, and what does it describe?
  1. Maxwell's leadership research; the levels of leadership
  2. Beck and Cowan (1996), building on Clare Graves' value-system research (1960s); whole patterns of value thinking that recur across people and organizations ✓
  3. Freud's developmental stages
  4. Jung's archetypes
7. What does the I-orientation vs. We-orientation alternation in Spiral Dynamics explain?
  1. Why introverts are quieter than extroverts
  2. Why a brother focused on his own degree progress and one focused on the Lodge as a whole can sit in the same room and miss each other's priorities — they're operating from different systems ✓
  3. Why men and women think differently
  4. Why political parties disagree
8. What three needs does Deci and Ryan's self-determination theory identify?
  1. Safety, belonging, esteem
  2. Autonomy, competence, relatedness ✓
  3. Income, status, recognition
  4. Mind, body, soul